He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
