So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
