Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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