She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dick has a subreddit
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wear drunk well.
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