i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
