nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
