What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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