So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
