do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
