She tied me up with her honor cords...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
