yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
