so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
