I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
