I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
