Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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