i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
