they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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