So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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