Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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