Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
