Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
