You just made me feel so damn special
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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