So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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