Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
