I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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