Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
