The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
