I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
