How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You were trust falling into bushes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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