Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When are your genitals available?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
