Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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