she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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