He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
