apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
