I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
