My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
