I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
