i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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