Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
