Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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