I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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