I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
