Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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