Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she smelled like a LAN party
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
