I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
