Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
