she woke up with a sticky ear
i would punch a child for taco bell
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
