Nicole vs. Life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
