I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
