We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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