so that wasnt chicken after all
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
